Sucked Away

Monday evening was kinda painful. "I'm asking you a critical question now" my wife said, "who is Nana?"

That's when it all started to get nasty. According to data I found on her computer, it came to my knowledge that she systematically searched for suspicious phone numbers in my cellphone and had them looked after on an online directory.

Plus she read my short messages, looked after incoming and outgoing phone numbers, analyzed cellphone invoices, tried to track down suspicious sounding names via google,... To cut a long Wurst short: it seems that she did everything to get hold of addresses and especially pictures that match with phone numbers and messages on my cellphone.

It seemed that nothing was secure from her. Well, on the other hand: why didn't I take steps that prevented her at least technically from those intrusions? An attempt to answer this question might be: I didn't believe her intention to spy would reach so far. Another possibility: I thought myself safe. Now I know better...

So, according to what i have found on her computer, I have created a mail where all points appear:

I will be away tonight. Where, or with whom? Well, pick one from the list below. But hey: calling xxx xxx xxxx won't lead you to person a from b, but to the company c from d. Of course, they're looking forward to talking to you, since they receive calls from chatroom administrators every now and then [she used a specific phone number she thought was fake to complete her subscription in a chatroom. The reason she subscribed there was because she thought I am a member there]

In case none of these phone numbers ring your bell, just try it with some online directory. I recommend telsearch.ch [where I found all the looked after phone numbers she got out of my cellphone in the history of the search fields]. In case I am not available under one of these numbers, I'm afraid you'll have to do further investigations. But please be aware: entering a wrong admin password on my WinXP console will result in a problem for both of us. Yours will be slightly bigger though...

Another thought: Backing up the most important data from your PC ain't such a bad idea, before it's really too late. Doing this, please be sure to also include internet bookmarks as well as the site history [just bluffing] which is very important for a successful backup. You can call yourself lucky that I already helped you on this; there aren't that many left now....

Although being sure that some of my statements scared the hell out of her because a) she thinks she's "entitled" to investigate after me, b) she's not even aware what kind of traces she leaves when browsing the web, and c) she doesn't see my abilities to track down these traces, even if they are more than three weeks old, her reply to this mail was somehwat insufficient for my ego...

It's all about honesty, she wrote. I've had numerous options to answer questions honestly, but I preferred not to do so, so this would be a very difficult situation to build up new strength from. But hey, when I'm asked "who is xyz?" and my answer is "nobody", does that lack honesty?

Well, whatever: going back to where we were seems very tricky now. But it's not only because of me being after other women, mainly not. What I think is that it's because of the situation how we're treating each other in general. Of course, having another woman in mind would eventually lead me to act differently as if there was no other woman involved: means that somehow I want to lead things to a split-up, just because I know there's someone else, rather than acting this way and having no perspective whatsoever.

Right now, I am feeling like sucked away from one part of my life and not entitled to take part in it anymore

Time will tell how things are passing on these days.... (to be continued)