No Way Out

it's that time of day again.... 5AM, still no sleep

Winter Wonderland

Normally, we don't get that much snow over here in winter. Normally, we also have to wait until something like February or even march (as in last year) to get loads of snow.

But today when I woke up, the whole landscape was covered in white dust: there's at least 15cm of snow here. Not that much, you'd say, but quite a lot for these surroundings. Let's see how long it takes to disappear again.

Being An Asshole

It still breaks my heart when I am thinking back to last night. After having assisted in brushing his teeth, I wanted to put the toothbrush back to where it was, But Michel, my elder son wanted to do it by himself. Feeling that apparently, he only wanted to delay the point of going to bed, I insisted to do it myself, not realising that Michel just wanted to show me how good he can do that for his age.

It ended up in an argument and with madly dropping his toothbrush on the floor, yelling at him and leaving him behind in the bathroom, slamming the door, starting to go mad outside because of what I felt to be him acting in a "No, I don't want to do this" kind of way. Michel started crying and when I went to see him again in the bathroom, he was just sitting there on the carpet, holding his toothbrush, crying and looking at me like he has lost all his confidence in his daddy, looking at me like asking "why are you being so unfair to me?"

I would just give up anything to erase this feeling within me I have at the moment towards Michel and towards that situation. This haunts me like a curse and really nearly breaks my heart... What has Michel done that got me acting this way? NOTHING! It's just a tiny little boy who wanted to show me how grown-up he can act, even if it's only putting aside his toothbrush....

"Fake - No Fake"

"Téo & Téa" sound bits that are spread via the net seem to be fake today and the pure opposite one day later.... going on and on and on and on and on for the time being left until the new Jarre single release...

"Heebie-Jeebies" is a sweet expression GeeJee's using for the euphoria he's feeling just before Jarre's releasing new music. Funny, that :-)

Jarre To "Fall Back" To Heavy Dance Style

Yesterday's news hit like a bomb: Jean Michel Jarre will come back to smash the dance floors again, this time with his project "Téo et Téa" or something (a teaser can be enjoyed here). Most people on the Blah Blah Café forum didn't believe this was genuine in the first place. In terms of "Aerology", doubts proved to be the same...

I must say that these 29 seconds sound and look very promising and might lead Jarre back to where more people than "just" his fans are. We will see by th beginning of February (single release) and end of March (album release).

Title Confusion

When I wrote the title for my last post, I was some sort of proud to have found such an interesting combination to put on top of my post. When I entered my blog today, first thing I read when looking at "shrinkwrapped feelings" was "shipwrecked feelings".... funny, huh? Because that also fits very well.....

Shrinkwrapped Feelings

At the beginning of 2007, I hoped for several things to change back for good. But I guess it's an illusion to make a cut-off by a certain date and hope for a radical change by the following day. Usually, such things only happen when changing your habits (i.e. quit smoking, eat less, drive more carefully and many more): either you're hungry all the time, craving for cigarettes or getting nervous because driving more carefully leads you to be as slow as the slowest driver in one row. Those are the immediate results of a change like this. when you look further, you'll probably live healthier, lose weight (which might contribute to living healthier as well) and arrive less stressed and safe (again... a long life is ahead of you).

I want to change the way of sleeping, after all, because I have found out that falling asleep doesn't seem to be the main problem anymore, plus I get at least 6 to 7 hours of sleep each day. So, good news! The problem is that I am not going to bed gefore about 1 or 2 AM, then watch TV for another 1 to 2 hours. So when falling asleep at about 4 AM in the morning, seven hours later, it's close to lunchtime...

Hell yes, I have kinda cleared the problem of not being able to fall asleep, have quit struggling with that situation and have come away from these agressive feelings towards myself because of that. My wife once said that it doesn't seem that I suffer from the original problem anymore; I only go to bed too late and then sleep in until lunchtime. At first, I was shocked because I had the impression of her not taking me seriously. Then I realized that the problem is still there because there HAS to be a reason why I am avoiding early sleep times.

Although there’s no problem at my job because of all this, I am not so confident about that anymore: Imagine an employee arriving very late, then again still working his 8 hours and delivering all the necessary results, but his presence doesn’t quite match with the presence of most / all others…

Coming back to having cleared the original problem, this also leads me to the goal I try to reach this year: going to bed at reasonable times But: am I already sleepy by then? Generally no. So this is a dilemma, because I tend to take medication again to force myself to sleep, not because I cannot fall asleep, but because I am sleeping at the wrong times…..

No Signs Of Any Clearance...

As always, New Years Eve and New Year has passed without any trouble, except that I was alone (rest of the family was asleep). So, no news whatsoever. And I didn't mind...

I hope sleeping will get better quite soon, because work has started again and I cannot afford to sleep in until late AM just because I didn't fall asleep before 4 or 5 AM.

Received a phone call from Nana yesterday, but didn't pick it up because of sleeping. Wonder what she's up to. Maybe she tries to get in touch once again tonight.