No Signs

Haven't heard from Nana in more than 24 hours. Last message I got from her was "now, finally I can sleep". Knowing she's got suicidal tendencies, this really scares me.....

Sucked Away

Monday evening was kinda painful. "I'm asking you a critical question now" my wife said, "who is Nana?"

That's when it all started to get nasty. According to data I found on her computer, it came to my knowledge that she systematically searched for suspicious phone numbers in my cellphone and had them looked after on an online directory.

Plus she read my short messages, looked after incoming and outgoing phone numbers, analyzed cellphone invoices, tried to track down suspicious sounding names via google,... To cut a long Wurst short: it seems that she did everything to get hold of addresses and especially pictures that match with phone numbers and messages on my cellphone.

It seemed that nothing was secure from her. Well, on the other hand: why didn't I take steps that prevented her at least technically from those intrusions? An attempt to answer this question might be: I didn't believe her intention to spy would reach so far. Another possibility: I thought myself safe. Now I know better...

So, according to what i have found on her computer, I have created a mail where all points appear:

I will be away tonight. Where, or with whom? Well, pick one from the list below. But hey: calling xxx xxx xxxx won't lead you to person a from b, but to the company c from d. Of course, they're looking forward to talking to you, since they receive calls from chatroom administrators every now and then [she used a specific phone number she thought was fake to complete her subscription in a chatroom. The reason she subscribed there was because she thought I am a member there]

In case none of these phone numbers ring your bell, just try it with some online directory. I recommend telsearch.ch [where I found all the looked after phone numbers she got out of my cellphone in the history of the search fields]. In case I am not available under one of these numbers, I'm afraid you'll have to do further investigations. But please be aware: entering a wrong admin password on my WinXP console will result in a problem for both of us. Yours will be slightly bigger though...

Another thought: Backing up the most important data from your PC ain't such a bad idea, before it's really too late. Doing this, please be sure to also include internet bookmarks as well as the site history [just bluffing] which is very important for a successful backup. You can call yourself lucky that I already helped you on this; there aren't that many left now....

Although being sure that some of my statements scared the hell out of her because a) she thinks she's "entitled" to investigate after me, b) she's not even aware what kind of traces she leaves when browsing the web, and c) she doesn't see my abilities to track down these traces, even if they are more than three weeks old, her reply to this mail was somehwat insufficient for my ego...

It's all about honesty, she wrote. I've had numerous options to answer questions honestly, but I preferred not to do so, so this would be a very difficult situation to build up new strength from. But hey, when I'm asked "who is xyz?" and my answer is "nobody", does that lack honesty?

Well, whatever: going back to where we were seems very tricky now. But it's not only because of me being after other women, mainly not. What I think is that it's because of the situation how we're treating each other in general. Of course, having another woman in mind would eventually lead me to act differently as if there was no other woman involved: means that somehow I want to lead things to a split-up, just because I know there's someone else, rather than acting this way and having no perspective whatsoever.

Right now, I am feeling like sucked away from one part of my life and not entitled to take part in it anymore

Time will tell how things are passing on these days.... (to be continued)

Reconnect

Glad to be in touch again with a very special person. The one in concern knows who I mean.... *streichel*

The Fresher The Better

GeeJee says that "woman" sounds so old, he prefers "girl"..... "The fresher the better"

Not Feeling Guilty

Remembering Nana's words after we first met: "Why do you do that? Why me? Don't you feel guilty?"...

No, I don't.

That's it for now....

Eyes Like Fire

I have read some very nice comments on my topic regarding Nana. One of which started "Is this fantasy or reality?" - Well, I wish it was either one or the other, rather than being inbetween....

As you might have guessed: Nana is real :-)

No Chance

As I mentioned yesterday, I am being dragged from one side of emotions to another. The reason for this is a woman that I start to fall in love with, seemingly. She knows I am married, she knows that I have kids, she knows I am 16 years older than her, she doesn't know how to handle this. Neither do I.

One day, Nana seems to be full of love and affection, the other day, she's freezing cold. Spending time with her is very difficult, because you never know what kind of mood she's in...

Perhaps she's still too young, maybe she lacks certain experiences. How can one handle a person that treats you like a lover and a day later, she does (and says) everything to keep distance?. "I don't want you to fall in love with me" she said (to be continued...)

The Dilemma

Dilemma means being torn apart between two tricky situations. I feel that something like this is happening. The keyword to this is, up to now, only known to GeeJee... Nana.

It's something like you know where you are / belong to, but are tempted to move somewhere else. Now, not yet completely arrived where you wanna go, and yet not able to completely let go from your origins. That's what I call a dilemma

The Other Things

Sure there is more to life than just Jean Michel Jarre. Mind you, I was born in 1970 and have seen and done many things ever since. I am married since 2000, have two kids (Michel André, born in 2002 and Ciril Alain, born in 2004), live in Switzerland and have a ever growing passion for France, especially for the southern part of that country.

Furthermore... what else?

I should stop for now.... Euphoria is running, otherwise I start babbling :-)

The Person

First things first. I am a huge fan of Jean Michel Jarre and his music, tracing his career since about 1980, but I'm not gonna bore you with how it all began. Only this: I was impressed by the sleeve of the "Oxygène" album when I held it in my hand.

The rest is history, kinda. At this point, I have gathered an immense collection of recordings directly connected to Jarre: more than 1300 different items are in my collection: some very rare pieces and much more of those that are not so sought after.

Well, I started to put together lists to keep an overview of what I have, especially for those situations when I find these tiny little record stores somewhere in France that seemed to have more than just regular releases. The list quickly became a huge list, which then became an even bigger one.

Since mid-2002, I am constantly working on a complete Jean Michel Jarre discography with the idea connected to it to display as much visual information about the items as possible. So there's a catalog with close to 1000 (!) pages right now. Besides that, I have created a website (www.jarre.ch) that contains the same information.

Yeah, that's about it... Should there be more ideas, I will post them as they come to my mind (again)...

The Start...

Hell yes, blogs everywhere, but me was constantly saying "no" to this sort of exposure. Until, well, until GeeJee with his Blog motivated me to jump in.

And I must admit that my feelings are: the time is right for it, n'est-ce pas?